Marriage Works!

When an unknown expectation goes unmet, it turns into disappointment, then it morphs into resentment.

This incredibly true line is from the new video Storms, by filmmaker Phil Stevens (marriagepressurepoints.com). In this powerful video, the role of sex – and how it’s typically perceived by both spouses – is on display.

Why is sex such a divisive topic in marriage? Mostly it’s due to expectations based on any number of issues, such as what each spouse was taught about sex, how much experience they had with sex prior to marriage, how they’ve viewed sex, what they believe sex means, and the list goes on and on.

Unfortunately, Christians have just as many sexual issues as non-Christians, and it can create a serious void in the marriage relationship if the couple does not get some type of professional help.

Watch this excellent film, and use it as a launching pad to START …

… start talking about the elephant(s) in the room

… start looking into resources that can assist you

… start discussing your individual expectations

… start making a move instead of sitting passively

Marriages NEVER drift into health, especially sexually, so watch this video to kickoff a series of changes to revolutionize your physical & emotional intimacy.

Be the first to like.

Like

Unlike

Forgiveness heals everything, right? Wrong!

According to Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller, The Five Love Languages, there are three things forgiveness will not heal, including facing the consequences of what was done.

Click here to see the other two things forgiveness will not heal.

Be the first to like.

Like

Unlike

We recently received a question from a wife who was sexually active prior to marriage. When she got married, she brought those experiences, into a marriage with a husband who was a virgin. She’s curious about what is “allowed” in the bedroom, and how she can get her sexually conservative husband to try different sex acts, particularly ones she enjoyed prior to marriage.

Dear Mary – thanks for writing.

Let me start out by saying that anything goes in the bedroom when a) both husband and wife are genuinely comfortable (meaning neither has a violated conscience before/during/after the act), b) there’s no violation of God’s law, and c) there’s no violation of civil law.

As for what happens in your bedroom, I can understand your husband feeling uncomfortable with certain things given he was a virgin when you married, and your sexual experiences. Also, how he was brought up, and his relationship with God plays into this greatly.

My counsel to you is that you not force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do or even pressure him into trying. This will actually work AGAINST your sexual relationship instead of aiding it. The last thing you want to do is make him feel discomfort, shame, or like an unexperienced beginner in what should be one of the greatest experiences in marriage.

Find out why he’s uncomfortable, then respect his answer. If this is causing a big issue in the marriage, you might want to consider visiting a licensed [and preferably Christian] professional. Regardless of the path you take, one word should drive your requests & responses to your husband: love.

Love is honorable, respectful, kind, giving, and preferential. Love does no harm to its neighbor, and seeks the other person’s good. When you love your husband, and commit the situation to the Lord, thing will get better.

Now, “better” may mean that the sexual experiences you enjoyed pre-marriage may not happen in your marriage. But, the tradeoff could be that your husband feels comfortable sexually. You must accept this and seek to make the most of the sexual experiences you do have in your marriage. I encourage you to checkout a friend of ours who discusses intimacy in marriage: Intimacy In Marriage.

Be the first to like.

Like

Unlike

True accountability is bottom-up, not top-down. In other words, it’s up to the spouse being held accountable to turn the light on and reveal their secret dealings. While there’s no easy way to this, here are some suggestions to help make the process more bearable and effective:

• Confide in someone of the same gender who will lovingly correct you, and keep your secret.
• Confess everything — even the most damaging parts.
• Offer up information willingly rather than waiting to be asked.
• Talk regularly with the person holding you accountable.
• Share your victories just as much as you do your failings.

Have more suggestions? Let me know!

Be the first to like.

Like

Unlike

Marriage Works! has been selected as a Top 100 Christian Marriage and Relationship blog by CatholicDatingSites.com.

We see some of our marriage educator partners on the list  - who we respect highly, so we’re honored to have been included.

Special thanks to Joseph Atkins, editor of CatholicDatingSites.com for the inclusion, and YOU, our loyal reader, who keeps us inspired to write and create Christ-centered resources that help couples build & sustain and healthy, functional marriage

Be the first to like.

Like

Unlike

It’s nice to be nice to your spouse. However, some folks have mastered the art of being nicer to strangers and co-workers than they are their spouse.

Sure, your co-worker may not have left the cap off the toothpaste, forgotten to put the toilet seat down, burned dinner, missed your birthday, said mean words to you, or even had an emotional or physical affair, thereby breaking your heart.

Those things certainly call for you being mean to your spouse, right? Wrong.

Being cruel is never acceptable, even when your heart is badly hurting. When you refuse to be nice to your mate,  you’re actually hurting yourself, and allowing bitterness to creep into your heart. This is where the love of God come into play.

If you’re a Christ-follower, god’s love has been poured into your heart by the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5), and he can help you love — even when you don’t feel you have the ability or capacity to do it.

What will it take for you to be nice? Forgiveness? Overlooking a situation? Something else? Whatever it is, I encourage you to be nice so you can start making your marriage work.

Be the first to like.

Like

Unlike

Consider if any of these is true about your marriage:

• Your spouse shows up at home, but is disengaged when there
• Communication is tough and tense
• Sex has disappeared
• Either you or your spouse is heavily involved in ministry, and it’s straining the marriage
• You fight and argue a lot, but don’t ever seem to get to a real resolution
• You and your mate have a disagreement over what submission looks like, who should do it, and why
• Offense is eroding the love in your marriage
• Caring for your children has taken precedent over caring for the relationship
• The love & fun that used to be in the union is now bitterness and drudgery
• Unforgiveness is eating away at your heart, your marriage, and your faith

If any of these scenarios describes your marriage, know that you’re not helpless. We have a host of resources that can help you get your marriage back to a loving place as you and your mate both put forth the effort.

For just a few more hours, we’re offering a bundle of 19 EBooks, Audios, and Videos - a $138 value – for only $12!

Take a look everything you’ll receive for just $12:

EBooks

•   8 Communication Strategies For Increased Intimacy With Your Spouse
•   The ABCs of Building A Marriage That Works
•   Barriers to Oneness in Marriage
•   Blending Marriage and Ministry
•   Champ or Chump?: How to Be a Godly Husband
•   31-Day Couples Communication Action Planner
•   Helper or Hindrance?: How to Be a Godly Wife
•   How to Win the REAL Fight
•   Partner or Parasite?
•   Restoring Romance To Your Marriage
•   Submission in Marriage: Solution or Slavery?
•   The Thankful Spouse

Audios & Study Guides

• How To Love Through Offense
• Jointly Fit
• Real Love
• The Four Stages of Love

Bonus Gifts

• A Prayer For My Husband
• A Prayer For My Wife
• The Marriage Pyramid
• Stay Connected: 18 Meditations to Help You Build a Marriage That Works
• Marriage Works! 2Go 14 Day Trial

Don’t miss this awesome opportunity to get a number of quality, marriage-building resources that you can use for years to come to strengthen your marriage.

This special ends THIS EVENING at 11:59 PM (MST).

Don’t wait — get it now so you, too,  can say, “My Marriage Works!”

Be the first to like.

Like

Unlike

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Yesterday I posted a note on FB and Twitter asking our followers to share their marital wit and wisdom with us. We had well over 400 comments, and I thought I’d share one of them here:

Take Jimmy & Melissa’s words to heart. Marriage is, indeed, the most important relationship on earth. Your vows are for you, your mate, and God.

Do your part to make your marriage work!

Be the first to like.

Like

Unlike

Remember this scene? It’s from The Cosby Show‘s episode “Isn’t It Romantic?” and is consistently rated one of the most popular episodes of the entire series.

For those three people out there who haven’t seen it, the episode centered around Cliff, Martin, and Elvin being challenged to spend only $25 for meaningful, romantic gifts for their wives; the winner would be named the “Emperor of Romance”. The episode was hilariously funny + gave us an idea!

When you only have a limited amount of money to spend, it forces you to become creative, really think about what your loved one means to you, and find unique ways to express that love. It also takes the pressure to “one up” your gifts from the previous years!

So, we would absolutely LOVE if all of you beautiful couples out there would take the challenge with us this year! Here are the 4 easy steps:

1. Decide It!: Decide together to take the $25 Valentine’s Day Challenge with Marriage Works! & Dinners + Dates! Be sure to tell others you are taking the $25 Valentine’s Day Challenge with Marriage Works! & Dinners + Dates!
2. Plan It!: Plan the night! Now, this is the FUN part! As a couple, you can decide to either (1) create/purchase gifts for each other for only $25 each or (2) that your entire night out only exceeds $50 total. Either option will force you to think outside the box and be super creative and thoughtful.
3. Valentine’s Day!: Have an amazing day/night out celebrating your relationship!
4. Tell Us About It!: Whether its on Facebook, Twitter, or via email, share how you creatively stayed within the $25 limit. Doing so will not only celebrate you relationship/marriage, but also inspire others!

If you need some ideas, reach out to Angele at Dinners + Dates here. Let’s get started!

14 people like this post.

Like

Unlike

Nick Saban, coach of the Alabama Crimson Tide, knows a lot about winning. In fact, his team has won three of the last four BCS football titles.

Nick is known for being serious, focused, and process driven. One of his mantras, which his team has obviously bought into given their dominance over the past four years, is “You can’t feel entitled if you want to stay on top.”

This applies not only to championship-winning football teams, but also to marriages. Part of the breakdown in our modern society is the smug feeling of entitlement that visits Generation X (born 1960 to early 1980s), has a strong grip on the Generation Y (born early 1980s to 2000), and is baked into Generation Z (born post 9/11).

This feeling of entitlement, i.e., the thought that the world owes one something due to some external factor that was neither worked for nor achieved, is a great malaise in our society. Unfortunately, it shows up in all walks of life, including marriage, where it can poison the strongest of relationships.

When a person feels entitled as a spouse, he/she will stop working on the marriage, and will instead start making demands and/or waiting for the spouse to go first in everything.

Coach Saban’s wise words regarding entitlement needing to be discarded to stay on top have been proven true by his football team, which shows up each day ready to evidence why they’re champions. Follow their lead by making Coach Saban’s mantra yours in your marriage, and stop feeling like your spouse “owes” you something.

Instead, you go first, and be an investor in your marriage instead of a mere taker. When you do this (and your spouse does the same), you’ll have a championship-caliber marriage that you’re both proud to be a part of and model to others.

Entitlement weakens your marriage, so chuck that flawed ideology to make your marriage work!

15 people like this post.

Like

Unlike