Some time ago we received an email from a wife asking what she should since a child had resulted from her husband’s affair. Here was our response:
Counsel for you:
- Ask God to heal your heart from your shock, pain, and husband’s infidelity.
- Regardless of whether your husband asks for forgiveness or accepts responsibility, forgive so YOU can be free.
- Remember your vows, which likely included some version of, “For better or worse …”
- While you have civil and biblical grounds for a divorce due to your husband’s adultery, understand that you don’t have to get a divorce. We have a friend who seriously considered a divorce after her husband’s affair, but said that that wasn’t God’s plan for her. So, again, while you have grounds for divorce, you don’t have to go that route.
- Recognize — and accept — that a) the child is innocent in the situation, and b) the child is now part of your husband’s life. This means that the child is now a part of your life. Refusing to be involved with the child will create conflict with your husband, and can do further damage to your marriage. Moreover, it will cause a rift between you and the child, which had nothing to do with his/her existence. For a moment, imagine growing up in a home where you’re the child, and your father’s wife doesn’t want anything to do with you because you’re not biological. How would that make you, the innocent child, feel?
- Read this article: When a Child is Born As a Result of Having an Affair.
- Strongly consider counseling from a licensed counselor, pastor or other professional (with your husband).
- Read this article: Surviving Infidelity: 3 Things You Must Know If You Are Surviving an Affair
- Watch this video: Losing Trust In Your Spouse
Counsel for your spouse:
- Admit your wrong to God and your spouse, and seek forgiveness.
- Forgive yourself.
- Do right by the baby’s mother.
- Do right by the child.
- Demonstrate your love for your wife going forward by being faithful, honest, and transparent.
- Read this article: Rebuilding Trust in Your Marriage After an Affair.