How well do you use questions? Read this excerpt from the National Bestseller negotiating book Getting to Yes:
Use questions instead of statements. Statements generate resistance, whereas questions generate answers. Questions allow the other side to get their points across and let you understand them. They pose challenges and can be used to lead the other side to confront the problem. Questions offer them no target to strike at, no position to attack. Questions do not criticize, they educate.
I love the wisdom given in this short passage. I’ve used questions more and more over the past couple of years, and have found that they allow me to address tough issues without coming across as boorish or like a smart-alecky know-it-all.
I encourage you to ask more questions, AND to ensure you’re asking them in a manner that doesn’t seem sarcastic or accusatory (your spouse will pick up on those tones, and your questions will backfire).
To grow your marriage, use questions skillfully!
4 comments
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vandella pierce
June 27, 2012 at 6:29 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Is there a Charge for the newsletter?
Kevin B. Bullard
July 11, 2012 at 9:46 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
No, it’s free. You just enter your name and email.
Lyndsey
July 10, 2012 at 9:27 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Can you give an example of a tough situation that worked using questions? I agree it is less threatening, but I don’t want to come of condescending.
Kevin B. Bullard
July 11, 2012 at 9:49 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Let’s say the situation is a spouse who has a substance abuse problem. Questions that could be asked are: What can I do to help? What is it like when you’re drinking (or whatever the issue is)? How does it make you feel? Does something trigger it? What do you like about it? What do you dislike about it? And the list could go on and on. These questions can be asked in place of accusatory and defamatory remarks that assume why the spouse is abusing the substance, and then cast judgment. Hope this helps.