Anything (yes, even _______!) can be forgiven when one decides he/she will forgive.
God forgave everything through Christ, and we’ve been commanded — and given the ability — to do the same through Christ (see Ephesians 4:32).
Easy? Not always, especially depending on the frequency of the offense and its severity. However, the love of God has been poured out in our heart by the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5), so spiritually we have what it takes to love. We just have to get our will in line, and that’s where 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 is essential.
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engret
July 16, 2012 at 11:03 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Forgiving is not easy. When your spouse has moved out and moved in with another lady and her kids its hard to forgive. What do you do. He comes around and ask you to have his back and how do you do that knowing. He does not want a divorce but want to contiue to live where he is. What in the world does this mean for your marriage? I pray and I pray
Kevin B. Bullard
July 16, 2012 at 11:45 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Engret: I can completely understand how his actions can be hard to forgive. Do keep in mind that there’s a BIG difference between forgiving him, and condoning his selfish & sinful behaviors. To forgive him is to refuse to try to pay him back, make him fix your past, or change your future. Forgiving him is simply acknowledging he did you wrong, and refusing to retaliate. He’ll have to answer for God for his actions. While forgiving him won’t completely take your pain away, it is certainly a step in the healing process. As for him not wanting a divorce, yet wanting to live with another woman, that’s unacceptable. You should demand that he make a decision, and stop stringing you along.
kristin
July 25, 2012 at 7:19 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
My husband had two separate affairs, both long term. One was sexual for eight years the other emotional with a lot of sexual undertones, lots of flirting, sex talk, spending time together, buying presents. We both say we are trying to save our marriage but our actions say otherwise. I can’t put the past behind me and he can’t make me feel safe.
Every time I feel like things are getting better, he is making an effort at my happiness I bring up the past in nasty ways, I pick fights, I get angry and I get scared until he threatens to leave. This pattern is recurring and I don’t know how to move past the past.
When I bring up the past I hear how he always was miserable and I never made him feel good. Although he never complaiined I am supposed to have known to compliment him more, and be more sexual and not allow him to defer to my decisions. I don’t want to do anything that will give him relief or happiness because I feel no relief, no time off from the images from feeling like nothing.
What can I do to save my marriage?
Kevin B. Bullard
July 25, 2012 at 9:40 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You said, “I don’t want to do anything that will give him relief or happiness because I feel no relief, no time off from the images from feeling like nothing. Then you asked, “What can I do to save my marriage?” If you continue with the first thing you said, you definitely won’t save your marriage. You and your husband have a long road ahead of you if you’re going to salvage the marriage. It’s possible, but it will not be easy. It will take some intensive counseling and effort from each of you. You may not ever forget what he did nor how he made you feel. However, you can move forward in spite of it. That, too, will take time, effort, and counseling. I recommend you two find a good Christian counselor who can walk each of you through the process of restoring your marriage. Also, I recommend you read this post: http://kbb.bz/MJijUC
Summer
May 20, 2013 at 7:04 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Same boat as Kristin. My husband had 3 affairs, 2 kids and we have worked hard to salvage our despite these things. His most recent affair was a year and half go and we have been in individual and couples counseling ever since. I fight for our kids sake but im utterly disgusted with his actions and have had a hard time making the decision to stay this time. Especially after the 1st two affairs produced children. He says I need to make up my mind and I agree. Cant shake the guilt of walking away from my marriage and feeling like ill let God, my kids, & family down. Not a whole lot of love left in my tank for him but this guilt keeps me on the fence. 12 yrs of marriage. Really don’t know what to do.
Kevin B. Bullard
May 22, 2013 at 11:43 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hi, Summer: I’m not sure if you’re “letting God down” unless you are blatantly disobeying what He’s commanded Summer to do. Adultery is a violation of the marriage, and a biblical consequence is divorce. Still, it boils down to you following God and knowing what He’s asking you to do with your marriage.