I wish she would change!
That used to be my thought pattern concerning certain things about Cetelia. After frustrating myself to no end because she wouldn’t change, I finally decided that I’d have more peace in my life (and bug Cetelia less!) if I accepted her as she is, and loved on her with all I have.
Accept: receive as adequate, valid, or suitable.
That’s what we all want. We all want our spouse to consider us adequate, valid, or suitable. We want our spouse to accept us as we are: full of potential, overcoming weaknesses, sometimes vulnerable, and at times scared to trust. In other words, we want our spouse to accept us as a human in need of tender love and care.
That’s all Cetelia wanted from me. That’s all she’s ever wanted from me. And that’s all she’ll ever want from me. If I can accept her as a human, and learn to love her as God made her, we can do anything together.
Instead of wishing your spouse would change [and becoming flustered when you don't see it happening], accept him/her. Note: Acceptance is NOT agreeing he/she is perfect, and has no room for further growth. Rather, accepting your spouse is granting him/her admission into your heart, and acknowledging that together, starting right where you both are, the two of you can do anything.
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Clarissa
July 10, 2012 at 4:20 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I think this is so true, but what if you’ve been in a relationship with that person, and accepting their weakness is not helping them, but making them comfortable in what they could be doing better? How is that acceptable. What if you’re looking for the man to be more head, but his weakness are making him the tail? How does the woman overcome that, and accept this?
Kevin B. Bullard
July 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It’s difficult to accept that a person may not be willing to do anything to make him/herself better. Another thing, the post didn’t say to accept their weakness … it said to accept the person. When people know they’re accepted, in spite of their weaknesses, yet aren’t coddled for their weaknesses, there’s something that makes them want to change. Now, you can accept a person and encourage them to do better. Those are two different things.
bruce r mills
July 10, 2012 at 4:46 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I write for “Gods group” on Facebook… Here is a link to my writing with some scripture that changed my outlook on my wife !!
https://www.facebook.com/notes/gods-group/gods-group-thoughts-for-11272011-till-death-do-us-part/10150386625926437
Kevin B. Bullard
July 10, 2012 at 4:51 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Great post, Bruce. Thanks for sharing. I love how you established she’s a gift from God, so no matter what the exterior was like, she must be cherished. I’ll be sharing this with our folks. Thanks!
bruce r mills
July 11, 2012 at 3:05 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Kevin, this is truly a case where one piece of scripture can change a person’s outlook for life… I have had 4 people (I assume because of my post on your site) respond that they liked what God has done in my life !! God is good !!
As always,
In Christ,
bruce
Kevin B. Bullard
July 11, 2012 at 3:06 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
That’s great to hear, Bruce! I love how the web is such a tool for communicating truth. Please keep up your good work!
Kevin
ps — I look forward to the day of 40 years of marriage!
Siphosethu
July 10, 2012 at 4:53 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Thanks for this link its helping me a lot, keep up good work cheers.
Kevin B. Bullard
July 10, 2012 at 5:01 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
You’re welcome! Thanks for reading.