At the risk of being too transparent, I’d like to share that marriage for me last week was more mechanical than mushy … more rote than relational … more work than “Wow!”
Now, to be sure, I didn’t care for Cetelia any less nor was I upset with her. I just didn’t have the “feelings” that we’d all like to believe should accompany marriage 24/7.
Maybe I’m the odd man out, but I think marriage sometimes consists of knowing the right thing to do, and doing it for the sake of serving one’s mate. I share this to encourage you to keep going even when you don’t feel goosebumps in your marriage.
Now, are the tingles and thrills important? Certainly, and a marriage needs the “feeling of love” as they add an important psychological component to the relationship. It’s just that this past week was one of those weeks where a commitment to love and serve won out over a need to experience goosebumps and love-drenched emotions.
Show-up and serve your spouse — even if the emotions are temporarily absent. As you do the acts of love, the feelings of love will make an appearance.
6 comments
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Kristie graham
August 27, 2012 at 1:17 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Please i need help
Kevin B. Bullard
August 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
How can we help you?
amera
November 2, 2012 at 12:05 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
What do you do when you want to leave? When the mushy feelings are mostly gone and your spouse does not seem to care to change that. What do you do, when you skeptical of the love and you keep finding them being inappropriate.
Kevin
November 27, 2012 at 11:10 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Amera — just seeing your post … please pardon the delay. It’s during this time that you remember your vows, and ask yourself if you’re in your marriage for just the good times or also during the tough times. To assist with your decision, you may want to seek out marriage counseling.
Antoinette Smith
November 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I miss my husband, he works 2 jobs because we have a big family. I understand and appreciate his drive to provide so I don’t give him a hard time anymore.. there are just times when I miss him and want him to be a little mushy with me. Its like he cant, he isn’t wired that way I guess. I just wish, i didn’t hear the crickets when i tell him this. I know I should just express my self without any expectation back. Any comments on this would help.
Annie
Kevin
November 27, 2012 at 11:13 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Your husband my identify his supply to the family by working and providing. If he’s not accustomed to being mushy with you or has not seen it modeled by other men he’s around much, he may not know how nor be comfortable with it. It’s something that you will have to model, and be patient with him as he experiences you being that way with him. You cannot make someone be pushy who is not mushy, but you can learn to appreciate what efforts he does make.