Can a husband rape his wife and when is it considered rape?

I’ve been married 11 years this June, together for 12. We’ve had a hard time with Porn infiltrating our marriage for the majority of it and the relationship prior to marriage. He was ‘addicted’ before he met me. 2 years ago in March 2011 I completely snapped when I walked in on him yet again indulging. The last 2 years have been filled with quite a bit of emotional abuse (from my end, but the previous 10 years were filled with emotional abandonment on his). I suffer anxiety attacks when I’m not in control of what he’s viewing on any of his electronic devices, who he’s communicating with (I think he’s cheated on me physically if not at least emotionally). We’re both military so when we’re not physically together I freak out with accusations that he’s running around on me, etc. What really annoys me is I never used to be this type of female. I used to encourage him to go out and have ‘guy’ time with his friends, I was never jealous of any female friends he had. I don’t know if it’s the years of abandoment that made me like this or the constant Porn use or what (He preferred that to actually being intimate with me. How 1 of our children was born is beyond me as we were only intimate one time in a 6 month time span) He doesn’t seem to understand what I need in order for me to regain trust in the marriage, nor is he willing to provide that (me being able to monitor him to KNOW he isn’t veiwing Porn, etc). He fights me every step of the way. We were separated for a brief time by military orders, which excaberated the problem, and has led to me seeking full time separation. It has also led to my part in the emotional abuse escalating 10 fold.
We have 3 beautiful children together, one of which is suffereing separation anxiety herself to an extreme measure. I would like to see if there’s a way for us to work this out and be able to get back together, but am wondering if the years of both emotional abandoment on his part and emotional abuse on my part has been to great, if there’s anything left to salvage? I know deep down he’s a good guy with good intentions, he’s just got his own issues from emotional abandoment as a child to deal with, and me as well. I know really deep down we still love each other, we’re both just to afraid of being hurt that we can’t break down our walls. And me trying to fix it on my own just hasn’t done any bit of good.. And he’s just to scared to deal with any type of emotion to even try to get help.

This was great EXCEPT for the counselor telling the guy “My advice, listen to her for a change.” REALLY!!?? He opens up, he is vulnerable, he exposes his desire AND LOVE and she takes his head off and walks out.

I’m not saying the counselor’s advice is bad, it’s not. However, she failed to congratulate the man for his attempt at openness, and failed to affirm that what he wants is not wrong.

Hello
My name is Danielle and I am approching marriage this year but me and my fiance’ is having some miscommunication issues. He says things to me that hurts my feelings and I try not to get mad or upset so instead I pray about the things that I can do to change myself and take authority for my own actions but when I ask him what he thinks he may need to work on, he either says he has already worked on it and I guess he feels he doesn’t need to work on it anymore or to improve. We are going to marriage counseling and it is helping but it seems like we can’t keep that connection between us. If we have a disagreement the affection stops between us. He usually says good bye to me in the mornings before he leaves for work but he hasn’t done that in days and he says the reason is that he doesn’t feel inspired to do it. Im not sure what it is that I may be doing to make him feel this way and react that way but Im not sure if it is all my fault. It seems like there is alot going on with us and I feel like im starting to see the real person to be revealed. I don’t know what else to do and I think that this is leading us to not getting married. Can you help me see what I maybe doing wrong so that I can change for myself and how to except the person in front of me?
Danielle

This video was hard to watch and yet very fulfilling at the end. It’s so real. But, it shows that common ground can be achieved. It takes two hearts to flex a little.

My husband and I have a problem communicating because he interrupts me regularly, in the middle of a thought, yet blames me for interrupting him. His idea of me interrupting though is skewe. I wait for him to finish a sentence, or thought, then speak, but he says I have interrupted him. So the next time I wait and don’t say anything until there had been a good amt. Of time since he has finished speaking, and he will say I am not responding. It makes it hard to talk with him because I am afraid of getting accused of interrupting or ignoring him. Either way, we are both losing.

My marriage is on the rocks along with whole family, I found my husband has been watching porn. I feel so betrayed, he says he is not doing it and then refused to talk after that. I don’t know how to move forward its so hard. My children are rebellious I just don’t know any more.

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Thanks for the comment, Bella. I look forward to reading your latest post about unhappy marriages not being generational.

I absolutely agree. A successful marriage is only possible with two whole people coming together to become one unit.